Sunday, October 22, 2006 Y
Lately I haf been doing some thinking and after talking to spring I came up with some things.I think that I am taking my relationship with Fyne too seriously, to the point that my life is very badly affected by it. Its true that I enjoy spending time with her playing games and chatting online but lets not forget this is just an online relationship. Although we did came a long way since we first met and we were much closer since back than but still this relationship is confined to just being online. Guess that going out with Fyne during the 7 days when she was in SG, made me thought it could be possible to bring the relationship to real life. I admit that I had a lot of fun being with her and I even thought how wonderful it would be if we could establish a relationship in real life. I must say that those 7 days were one of the best times I ever had. Even now, thinking about those moments would bring a smile to my face. But I must face up to reality. Its hard to bring an online relationship to real life. And in this case its even harder due to the many obstacles that stand in the way. Firstly is age difference, Fyne is older than me and although I dun realli mind. Imagine what people would say if we were really together I could understand how she would feels if that should happen. So this could be a problem. Secondly, distance, she is living in KL and I am living in SG. Not being able meet up form time to time could really strain a relationship. And if all activities done together are just online, it would be unhealthy for the both of us. Thirdly, since she will be flying overseas to UK to study soon, meeting up would be virtually impossible. And with the time different between here and UK plus my current situation in NS, even meeting up online is not possible. Thus this is where the greatest problem lies. Without any communication between each other, a relationship will surly die out in times to come. There are also many other things to consider as well but these are the major ones I thought of. After talking to Fione, spring and thistle, I have decided that any relationship with Fyne in real life is not possible. I am quite contented already with the current online relationship with Fyne. And althought we seem to be drifting apart ever since I went back to Tekong, I have already decided not to be so much into this relationship and just take it as Fyne is just my good friend. That way I wont feel so hurt and depressed and I can concentrate more on my training. Although I really wish that we could be more than just friends but must understand the constrains and the situation we are in now. As for now, we shall remain as good friends and hopefully despite what will happen in the near future, we will still be able to keep in close contact. And no matter what happens, Fyne will always remain in my heart as a good friend to me.The past few nights been listening to this song while thinking of Fyne...Jay Zhou - Stepping Back (Tui Hou)The grey sky look as though it has criedLeaving you did not give me more freedomIn the sour airI could smell our distancAn ending that caused heartacheLike breathing it can't be stoppedThe yellowing diary in the drawerpressed dry the memoriesof that smile which is summerOur pastForgotten as time goes byLove after anoxia (lack of oxygen)Careless tears are unnecessaryI know we weren't at faultWe just forgot how to step backWe made promises to each other with confidenceYet time could not hold onI know that the fault is not in either one of usJust that letting go would ease the painThe most beautiful love awaits to be continued in our memoriesLastly, if you are reading this. I would like to say sorry to Shu Juan. In those months we were together I only brought u sadness and misery. I am not worthy of your love and you deserved much better. When I broke up with you during that time, in my mind I only thought of Fyne. I guess I did not want to be unfair to you so I initiated the break up. Ever since I did not know how to talk to you any more. But I just hope you would just forget me and move on. Just treat it as though I never exsisted in your life and concentrade on your O levels. I sincerely wish you all the best in your exams and hope you will do well. I am sorry...Many thanks to Fione, Spring and Thistle who lend me a listening ear when I needed it. And just when the stress seem too much for me to bear, you guys were there for me. Thank you ^^
left his footprints
7:51 PM
0 Notes
Saturday, October 21, 2006 Y
Many things happen in just the short period of the past 2 weeks. I was posted back to tekong to complete my BMT again on the 6th of Oct. On that very same day, I passed my driving test as well. Even though it was someting to be happy about but I did not feel that way. Originally planned to celebration with friends from my unit if I past. But that is no longer possible since I had to go back to tekong directly after my test.To rub salt into the wound, going back to tekong and staying in all over again. Which means I oni have sat evening up to sun afternoon as my free time. Other than that I would be in the island. I have already gone through 7 weeks of that kind of life and after that I was lucky enough to get a staying out vocation for the past 7 months. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I was to join the leadership batch of BMT meanings my vocation of being a Vehical Mechanic will be taken away after my BMT and I will be posted to a combat one. So all the way up to 5th of Nov, I would only be getting around 24-36 hours of free time each week. Thinking of this only overcome me with sadness.Not only I had to leave my close friends in my unit, I had to leave my online friends due to lack of time to join them in any more online games. And I guess lack of communication between me and Fyne is driving us furthur apart than ever before. Guess out of everything, I missed her the most. So can you understand how I am feeling now? It as though my whole life is being torn apart. And inside tekong, can you understand the feeling of being treated like recuits all over again. After serving NS for 10 months already and finally turning into man. We were acutally given more freedom and a working space on our own despite still having to follow orders. imagine losing every single freedom u once had and being knock back down to recuit status where you had to do every single thing the commanders tell you. NO ONE respect me even though my rank is higher than those newly enlisted NS man. And the commanders even knock you down more thinking you should know every thing since you been throught BMT once before. Everyday is just too stressful for me. At times really felt like breaking down. Plus after being in a service unit for so long, my phsyical has dropped a lot. I find myself unable to cope with the physical training and at times reaching a breaking point. No one can understands what I am feeling inside and my morale is constantly wandering on the point to depression. I know that NS is supposed to make us tougher. But I fear that if I could not take this training regime, I might be on the path to depression. Even after these 2 weeks I am still trying to take the stress and trying to overcome this period of darkness that is threatening to engulfed me. I always value friends above anything else, and during this period I find it hard to turn to my close friends to depend on. I really hope that I can be stronger and overcome this period of tough times... I really hope so...
left his footprints
8:39 PM
0 Notes
Friday, October 06, 2006 Y
In another few hours, I will be sitting on a ferry off to a desolated island and stay there for as long as 16 days before I get to come out for 24 hours. There are many things I cant bear to leave behind. The weekly woe session. Having fun with my online friends be it maple, ro or even wow. Chatting with my dar at nite and playing games with her. Thinking about how my freedom is being gone and how I could no longer do these things for a while makes my heart sears with pain. All I can say is I hope I can get used to life in there and finish up these 9 weeks and hopefully get to stay out again.If anyone wants to contact me or just chat with me, feel free to drop me a sms at 96486593. Gonna spend some rather lonely night without my close friends by my side T_TTo my wonderful friends at Tuas Naval Base, pls pray for me so that I could come back to you guys after my recourse has ended. Lastly I like to say...how do I live without you, I wan to knowhow do I breathe without you, if you ever let gohow do I ever, ever survivehow do I, how do I, how do I live~
left his footprints
4:52 AM
0 Notes
Tuesday, October 03, 2006 Y
Just thought I upload something... Got this as a present from Fyne. Really like it really really much ^^ Thanks Dar~ *Muacks*
left his footprints
11:38 PM
0 Notes
Y
Today when I went back to camp got 1 very bad news. My BMT is going to be on the 6th Oct. First of all, it is on very short notice but I dun really haf enuff time to prepare and plus I am supposed to have my driving test on that day too. To make matters worst, I cant get to come back to LTB after my recourse finish. Instead I will be given a combat vocation. After staying how for so long, dun think I will get used to staying in once again. I will surly miss being online every night, playing games with my friends and spending time with my lovely dar. Got to pray very hard that after this 9 weeks I can get to go back to LTB. Sure miss all the nice people that I met there...
left his footprints
1:29 AM
0 Notes
Monday, October 02, 2006 Y
28th Sept (Thurs)
Met up with Thor,Moonie, DengDeng and ChioBu at goldenmile at 7am. Supposed to eat breakfast there but ended up kenot find any shop there is open that early in the morning. Finally managed to spot 1 store that is open, so we ate there before boarding the bus.
I slept all the way in the bus since I was dead tired, since slept at all the night before. Before I knew it, we reached the pit stop. Grab something to eat den hop onto the bus and continue sleeping till we finally reach KL.
We reach around noon and checked into Hotel Malaya. Me,Thor and moonie shared 1 room while dengdeng and chiobu shared the other. We unpack our stuff and got settled in and after some time Fione came to look for us. We went to KLCC first while deciding where to go for dinner. We had a late lunch there and than walk around and took some photos. We also bought poker cards and UNO but the UNO completely nv play at all for the whole trip =.= We went back to meet up with Fyne and KK + her daughter for dinner. Finally we decided to eat near the hotel some roadside store. Had seafood, but its really very spicy. Eat until want to cry XD Down 2 glasses of water to ease the spicyness. But I must admit the prawn and stringray tasted really good. And after dinner, all of us went back to the hotel room to play blackjet. Had a lot of fun playing with KK's daughter and at the same time we were playing blackjet. Than a point in time combine with Fyne be banker end up lose money. But luckily lost oni 1RM =P When it got late, Fione,Fyne, KK all left we were left to get to sleep. Poor Thor, I must have learn from Hazel her enchant deadly nails lvl 10. Cause next day Thor said I scratch him 2 times throughout the nite plus I stole the blanket from him. Hehe, I am so evil =P29th Sept (Friday)Fione came to look for us in the morning again and this time she brought us to Sunei Wang's redbox to sing K. Somehow I felt that 3 hours of singing seem rather short to me XD Anyway I was happy cause managed to sing Xian Zai Heng Xiang Jian Ni by Daniel Li Ji Han. This song is from malaysia idol and only can be sang in malaysia so all the while din get the chance to sing it in SG. I really like the lyrics of the song ^^Anyway after K, Fione wanted to bring us to bowling but ended up we keep on walking around in circles @@ Finally we went to the arcade and play around before looking for something to eat. Moonie ate at this roadside steamboat thing but I waited till we went to MCD to eat. Had quater pounder but somehow it just taste like a double cheese burger. =.= But we did have a lot of fun taking lame photos in MCD while trying to pass the time. When it was time,we headed over to meet the rest of the people for Ba Kut Teh. Took Fyne's car over to the Ba Kut Teh. KK's daughter very cute lor, in the car can call me Leng Zai Kor Kor, once go down from the car I like become different person d T_TAfter dinner, the 5 of us squeeze into Fyne's car (2 of us were in the boot) and go meet up with her friends for yam cha. On the way back was my turn to sit in the boot, felt a little isolated since the front could not really hear what I am saying. But it is quite comfortable behind there, give me a pillow and I am sure I will be able to sleep there =P And yet another long day has ended. 30th Sept (Sat)Fione came to find us again and this time she brought us to Sunway for ice skating. But before that we had a very very nice lunch at BBQ plaza. Everything tasted really nice, only thing is the meat finish so fast one T_T Only managed to eat a few pieces XD I shared side with DengDeng and Thor and they were messing around with the soup. But surprising enuff, our soup taste so much better than theirs. Ngek ngek. And after our very full dinner, we went ice skating. Basically, oni me and Fione has skate before I guess. However the last time I skate was in sec 2 i think and there was like 5 years ago. Fione said she also din skate for 5 years but dun looks like it lor. She got everything back very fast. I also managed to get my skills somewhat back but still cant brake only can slow down only. Fione tried teaching how to do it but still cant grasp it at all XD Finally icey came and it was time to head over to autosurf for woe. Had a lot of fun skating since it been years since I last skate and the feeling is really very nice. Took icey car to autosurf and she drive really pro lor. I was thinking if I can drive like icey, sure wan go any place the travelling time can cut down by half =P This week woe was quite happening, din get a chance to relax at all. Except for the last 15 mins or so, wanted to talk to Fyne during woe but in the end the place for too loud and din get a chance to do so. XDAfter woe,Sean helped us checked into Summit hotel. Must thank team feeder for helping us winning the free 1 nite stay at the hotel. lol XD After checking in, we went to williams for dinner. The famous place for serving extra large portion of food. I ordered speghetti, when it came I saw the plate. I was like, lucky arhz, should be able to finish. Than went I started eating, I was thinking how come I eat so much but the portion like never getting smaller one @@ Finally I manged to finish it but I left 4 mussels and my ribena speical kenot finish XD Bug bug help me finish up the mussels... hehe. At least better than Feeder Thor who had more than half his plate left =PAfter that bugbug fetch the 5 of us back to the hotel. Bug driving pro siaz, drift all the way back to the hotel. Dengdeng kenot take it ended up accompany the toliet bowl in the middle of the night. I also quite close to it, after eating so full at williams XDThan later I went yamcha with Vera jie until around 2am. Reach back hotel room see everyone edi sleep, den took whatever space that is left and went to a nice nice sleep XD1st Oct (Sun)We check out at 8am in the morning and icey fetch us to have tim sum breakfast. For KL side got Ruru,junjun,icey,fione,zante and bugbug. The tim sum really tasted very good, ate almost everything they had there =PAfter breakfast, icey and fionne brought us to midvallery to watch rob-b-hood. The show was quite nice except for 1 thing, it is in catonise T_T Had to read the subtitles since I dun understand what they were talking at all. But overall I still enjoyed the movie, but it was freezing cold inside the cinema. Icey scam my jacket XDAfter the movie we walk around a bit before they send to the bus station. So here ends our very nice and fun KL trip. Really miss everyone in KL and the fun times we had. Really wished could haf stayed longer but guess there isn't really a choice. Thanks to everyone who allowed us to haf such a great time in KL. It was nice getting able to see everyone again. On the bus I felt need to use the toliet but the bus din get to stop at all. Should not haf drank so much water, in the end I bear with it for almost 2 hours before we reach the stop point very near to JB =.= Definately not a fun trip. And after the stop, we reach the custom, there was a jam for the bus lane. And by the time we reach sg was already 11 plus. After having such a long holiday of 6 days, din really wan to go back to camp the next day, but what choice did I haf? XD Maybe I get to do something like this next year again =P
left his footprints
2:33 AM
0 Notes
Y
I know I been missing for quite some time but its been a really hectic week. Fyne came down on the 22nd (for those of you who know her) and on the 28th I went over to KL. So did not really had any time to update my blog so now I shall update everyone in 1 shot, with a really long long post =P23th Sept (Sat)Arrange to meet up with Fyne in the morning to walk around town area. Was kinda nervous cause seeing her for the 1st time in real life =P Met up with Fyne and her friend (KK) at Toa payoh mrt station before we headed over to orchard. Basically we walk around the area, and thanks to me and KK, we got sorta lost. But still in the end, managed to get to where we wanted. Had a lot of fun in Kinokuniya reading about star signs. In the end, we concluded the book as crap XDThan after that we proceeded to the food court for lunch before heading over to Fyne's uncle house. We chill out over that a little before heading over to katong for WOE. After that we went nearby to eat. In the end Odin sat 1 side and interpid sat the other side. I ended up with interpid but they are a very fun bunch to dine with, hehe. Only thing is that I am seperated from my dar T_T Dinner finish den everyone went home so end of day 1 =P24th Sept (Sun)Today slept till later since everyone was tired I guess. Met up with Fyne at orchard mrt station since we planned to catch a movie. We catch a later afternoon show (John Tucker Must Die), I thought the show was pretty good, really very funny. Than after movie both of ask went to meet up with KK and her friend at bugis. But I nubs T_T talk with fyne until overshot till Bedok. XD We had KFC for dinner while waiting for more of their friends to come. While waiting both Fyne and KK went shopping for shoes, in the end both bought the same realli look like sisters =P Than I was introduce to Frankie and his collegues, we did some clothes shopping and than we headed over to clark key (spelling I duno T_T) We sat by the riverside chatting, and hafing a mini picnic ^^ Took the last train home after that and yet another day has ended. Hehe. 25th Sept (Mon)Had to go to camp today so I only went to find all of them after I fall out. Din haf time to change since I was already late before I even left the camp. Ended up buying a $4 shirt at Giodanno XD We had dinner at Sakura, been a long time since I ate so much I think =P But could not help it, the food just tasted too good. After dinner we supposed to walk around and let the food digest a bit, but ended up we sat somewhere nearby and chatted till it was time to go. XD26th Sept (Tues)The 4 of us went to the zoo today me, fyne, kk and her husband. I think the last time I went to the zoo was in pri sch and you can imagine how many years that it has been. Dun even reconise anything anymore. But had a really good time seeing everything and playing with some of the animals. Fyne "threw" me to feed the crocodile because the other nite I "threw" her into the singapore river XD Unfortunately her camera ran out of battery because we took enuff photos. Really had a good time over there, I think we walked non stop for around 5 hours. Hehe. Poor fyne was feeling so tired. Sayang~ =PAfter the zoo, me and Fyne went over to PS to eat pizza with the rest of the sg cathedrains. Hazel could not eat beef so our table had BBQ chicken pizza. Dun think I ate that before but I must admit it tasted realli good. We sat around after the meal and chatted a while before we left. And than fyne had to go off first while most of the rest of us went to Mr. Bean to yum cha. And once again, had to take cab back XD Lucky got people share with me /gg27th Sept (Wed)Today we also met up in the late afternoon. Met up at bugis and we went to pray at the temple first before we went shopping for CDs. Than we went to Toa Payoh ntuc to shop for ingredients because KK said she wanted to cook spegehtti for us. After our purchase, we went over to her house and she and fyne started preparing the food. Both of them did not wan me to help because they thought I would cause more trouble than help out XD Finally it was time for dinner and I thought the food tasted pretty good, just needed a little bit more practice to perfect it =P After dinner walk a little tv before I left early to buy stuff to make fyne's birthday present. When I reach home, started to work on the present until 5.30 am before I finished. Did not sleep at all because I felt it was pointless since I had to wake up at 6am to go over to goldenmile to catch the bus to KL. Anyway I think I shall continue the KL trip in another post since I feel that this post is long enuff =P
left his footprints
12:14 AM
0 Notes
