Sunday, October 22, 2006 Y
Lately I haf been doing some thinking and after talking to spring I came up with some things.I think that I am taking my relationship with Fyne too seriously, to the point that my life is very badly affected by it. Its true that I enjoy spending time with her playing games and chatting online but lets not forget this is just an online relationship. Although we did came a long way since we first met and we were much closer since back than but still this relationship is confined to just being online. Guess that going out with Fyne during the 7 days when she was in SG, made me thought it could be possible to bring the relationship to real life. I admit that I had a lot of fun being with her and I even thought how wonderful it would be if we could establish a relationship in real life. I must say that those 7 days were one of the best times I ever had. Even now, thinking about those moments would bring a smile to my face. But I must face up to reality. Its hard to bring an online relationship to real life. And in this case its even harder due to the many obstacles that stand in the way. Firstly is age difference, Fyne is older than me and although I dun realli mind. Imagine what people would say if we were really together I could understand how she would feels if that should happen. So this could be a problem. Secondly, distance, she is living in KL and I am living in SG. Not being able meet up form time to time could really strain a relationship. And if all activities done together are just online, it would be unhealthy for the both of us. Thirdly, since she will be flying overseas to UK to study soon, meeting up would be virtually impossible. And with the time different between here and UK plus my current situation in NS, even meeting up online is not possible. Thus this is where the greatest problem lies. Without any communication between each other, a relationship will surly die out in times to come. There are also many other things to consider as well but these are the major ones I thought of. After talking to Fione, spring and thistle, I have decided that any relationship with Fyne in real life is not possible. I am quite contented already with the current online relationship with Fyne. And althought we seem to be drifting apart ever since I went back to Tekong, I have already decided not to be so much into this relationship and just take it as Fyne is just my good friend. That way I wont feel so hurt and depressed and I can concentrate more on my training. Although I really wish that we could be more than just friends but must understand the constrains and the situation we are in now. As for now, we shall remain as good friends and hopefully despite what will happen in the near future, we will still be able to keep in close contact. And no matter what happens, Fyne will always remain in my heart as a good friend to me.The past few nights been listening to this song while thinking of Fyne...Jay Zhou - Stepping Back (Tui Hou)The grey sky look as though it has criedLeaving you did not give me more freedomIn the sour airI could smell our distancAn ending that caused heartacheLike breathing it can't be stoppedThe yellowing diary in the drawerpressed dry the memoriesof that smile which is summerOur pastForgotten as time goes byLove after anoxia (lack of oxygen)Careless tears are unnecessaryI know we weren't at faultWe just forgot how to step backWe made promises to each other with confidenceYet time could not hold onI know that the fault is not in either one of usJust that letting go would ease the painThe most beautiful love awaits to be continued in our memoriesLastly, if you are reading this. I would like to say sorry to Shu Juan. In those months we were together I only brought u sadness and misery. I am not worthy of your love and you deserved much better. When I broke up with you during that time, in my mind I only thought of Fyne. I guess I did not want to be unfair to you so I initiated the break up. Ever since I did not know how to talk to you any more. But I just hope you would just forget me and move on. Just treat it as though I never exsisted in your life and concentrade on your O levels. I sincerely wish you all the best in your exams and hope you will do well. I am sorry...Many thanks to Fione, Spring and Thistle who lend me a listening ear when I needed it. And just when the stress seem too much for me to bear, you guys were there for me. Thank you ^^
left his footprints
7:51 PM
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