Saturday, October 21, 2006 Y
Many things happen in just the short period of the past 2 weeks. I was posted back to tekong to complete my BMT again on the 6th of Oct. On that very same day, I passed my driving test as well. Even though it was someting to be happy about but I did not feel that way. Originally planned to celebration with friends from my unit if I past. But that is no longer possible since I had to go back to tekong directly after my test.To rub salt into the wound, going back to tekong and staying in all over again. Which means I oni have sat evening up to sun afternoon as my free time. Other than that I would be in the island. I have already gone through 7 weeks of that kind of life and after that I was lucky enough to get a staying out vocation for the past 7 months. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I was to join the leadership batch of BMT meanings my vocation of being a Vehical Mechanic will be taken away after my BMT and I will be posted to a combat one. So all the way up to 5th of Nov, I would only be getting around 24-36 hours of free time each week. Thinking of this only overcome me with sadness.Not only I had to leave my close friends in my unit, I had to leave my online friends due to lack of time to join them in any more online games. And I guess lack of communication between me and Fyne is driving us furthur apart than ever before. Guess out of everything, I missed her the most. So can you understand how I am feeling now? It as though my whole life is being torn apart. And inside tekong, can you understand the feeling of being treated like recuits all over again. After serving NS for 10 months already and finally turning into man. We were acutally given more freedom and a working space on our own despite still having to follow orders. imagine losing every single freedom u once had and being knock back down to recuit status where you had to do every single thing the commanders tell you. NO ONE respect me even though my rank is higher than those newly enlisted NS man. And the commanders even knock you down more thinking you should know every thing since you been throught BMT once before. Everyday is just too stressful for me. At times really felt like breaking down. Plus after being in a service unit for so long, my phsyical has dropped a lot. I find myself unable to cope with the physical training and at times reaching a breaking point. No one can understands what I am feeling inside and my morale is constantly wandering on the point to depression. I know that NS is supposed to make us tougher. But I fear that if I could not take this training regime, I might be on the path to depression. Even after these 2 weeks I am still trying to take the stress and trying to overcome this period of darkness that is threatening to engulfed me. I always value friends above anything else, and during this period I find it hard to turn to my close friends to depend on. I really hope that I can be stronger and overcome this period of tough times... I really hope so...
left his footprints
8:39 PM
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